July 15, 2011

There are a few sentences that every parent fears hearing come out of their kids’ mouths. “What happens when you die?” “Where do babies come from?” “Am I old enough to start dating a guy driving a Harley?” “What did Mom mean when she said we lost all our money in a ponzi scheme?” Those are the classic examples of course, but another one came tumbling out of Ariel’s mouth the other day, totally out of the blue. “Daddy, tell me a story.” Sounds innocuous, right? I mean, I read stories to her each and every night. But “TELL me a story” generally brings with it an obligation to make one up RIGHT NOW, and I suspect with Ariel there will also be the implied requirement that this story I make up RIGHT NOW be pretty darn entertaining. There probably needs to be laughs, thrills, a princess or two, maybe even a twist ending that would impress M. Night Shyamalan. How exactly am I supposed to make that happen? Sure, if this was a one-time thing, I could probably fake my way through it. You start with “Once upon a time,” you make sure to have a female heroine, a semi-scary (but not TOO scary) dragon, some magic, and a happy ending, and I should be fine. We’re not talking King Lear or even “The Usual Suspects” here. But if I know Ariel, and I’m pretty sure that I do, if that first story gets a thumbs up, many, many, many others will be requested (and obviously I’m using the word “requested”, in the way that Don Corleone and Luca Brazi requested that bandleader to sign Johnny Fontaine’s release in The Godfather). So, maybe the key is to make up a story just good enough so that she doesn’t complain, but not so good that she wants repeat performances on a nightly basis. Sounds like a job for whoever wrote the screenplay for The Hangover Part II. I wonder if he’s available.