September 16, 2011

There’s a lot of stuff I can’t wait to show Ariel and Jasmine when they’re older. I’m not talking about when they’re MUCH older, when of course they need to see The Godfather, Schindler’s List, the West Wing, the Wire, and lots of other all-time greats from movies and TV. I’m talking when they’re still kids, but can appreciate some of the classics of my youth, the ones that haven’t become too dated to still entertain. I’m not including The Wizard of Oz, which is of course one of my favorite movies, just because the joy of watching it with them the first time will be severely hampered by the worry that the scene with the flying monkeys will scare the holy be-jezus out of them and ruin the whole evening. But we’ll jump off that bridge when we get there… Anyway, here’s my top-3, at least as of today…

1) Bad News Bears – it’s staggering how inappropriate this movie would be considered today. Forget the fact that the manager drinks and drives continuously. Forget that the kids curse like nobody’s business, every imaginable slur is used freely and without hesitation, the good guys (the Bears) play dirty when it suits them (you cant see Tanner, the SS, tripping a guy running between 2nd and 3rd without laughing). The true beauty of this film is the fantastic ending, which teaches the invaluable lesson that bad sportsmanship and hostility bordering on unprovoked violence is entirely warranted and acceptable (even commendable, really) as long as it’s directed at an evil team like the Yankees. Just outstanding.

2) Schoolhouse Rock – To be honest, I’m not sure how I’ll handle it if my kids don’t like Schoolhouse Rock. These videos/songs from Saturday morning TV of the 70’s are so brilliant, so well written, and so enjoyable, that it will just break my heart if for some reason they don’t grab my kids like they grabbed me. I can honestly say I know how a bill becomes a law and the entire preamble to the US Constitution because of Schoolhouse Rock, and we all know how necessary those are to achieving day-to-day success in business as well as life in general. Among the very best of Schoolhouse Rock are Interjections (“They’re generally set apart from a sentence by an exclamation point, or by a comma when the feeling’s not as strong”), Rufus Xavier Sasparilla (pronouns) and Fireworks (about the 4th of July). Go back and watch them on Youtube if you haven’t seen them in a long time (or God forbid have never seen them), I guarantee many smiles.

3) The Muppet Movie – It’s possible this will end up being a BIT dated (I haven’t seen it in years), if only because the cast is an impressive collection of 70’s icons who my wife may not recognize, let alone my daughters. Milton Berle, Mel Brooks, Orson Wells, Bob Hope, Dom Deloise, Steve Martin, Richard Pryor, it goes on and on. But what makes it brilliant is the combination of the humor (“Prepare the standard Rich and Famous contracts…”) and the music, from the Rainbow Connection to Movin’ Right Along. If you watch the ending “Life’s like a movie, write your own ending, keep believing, keep pretending, we’ve done just what we set out to do…thanks to the Lovers, the Dreamers, and you!” and don’t get goose-bumps, well, I cant help you.

I’ll have the blu-ray player (or whatever fabulous contraption has made that obsolete) ready to go on September 18, 2017, when Jasmine turns 7. Ariel will be 11. Perfect.

August 30, 2011

A few thoughts while thanking the Hurricane Gods that Irene didn’t hit us harder…

Ariel likes to be the DJ in the car (or at least exert total control over the music selections by clearly and with utter conviction stating her demands, even if she’s not able to physically run the show from her car seat), and lately, she’s been feeling Lady Gaga. Yesterday in the car she demanded the “Chachi” song, and was not at all pleased with my inability to immediately provide it. I of course was racking my brain to figure out what she wanted, and was afraid that maybe the classic show “Joanie Loves Chachi” had a theme song I didn’t recall, and somehow she had become fond of it. I think everyone can agree that’s a harrowing thought. Turns out she wanted “Paparazzi.” Which from now on will always be, to me, the Chachi song.

Ariel is in that nether world between school and camp right now (this period is of course lovingly referred to by moms throughout the northeast as “Purgatory”), and Belle took the girls out yesterday with a friend to the mall. There was a place to throw in a coin and make a wish, and Ariel wished that the Red Sox win the World Series, despite the efforts of her friend’s Dad, Mr. Fabulous, to corrupt her into making a pro-Yankees wish. Now, first of all, obviously Mr. Fabulous’ behavior was reprehensible and he now finds himself in grave danger of receiving a far less flattering nickname. Like Mr. Stupid Head or something. But more importantly, how about that Ariel! I’m just lucky she’s too young to ask me for a car, because I’d have a hard time saying no right now. Dodged a bullet there…

Ariel went to a birthday party last week and there was a special guest star who showed up right before it was time for cake. None other than the Amazing Spider Man. His performance was indeed quite amazing, as he practically cleared out the room just by walking in. His costume was so scary to this group of 4-year olds that at least 3 kids immediately burst into tears and 2 others ran for the exits as if the Grim Reaper had shown up instead of poor Spidey. This was despite the fact that Spider Man appeared to be about 5 and a half feet tall and maybe 140 pounds soaking wet. Mrs. Fabulous remarked to me that he needs to start P90X or something. To her credit, Ariel was not one of the kids trying desperately to flee the scene, and she even tried to calm down one of her friends who wasn’t enjoying the super hero’s presence in the least bit. I was pretty darn proud of her.

August 23, 2011

I travelled last week for business and when I’m away from the girls for a couple days it’s easy to forget about all the difficulties of raising kids and just focus on the good stuff. So that’s a great thing to do from time to time. I’m sure Belle wishes SHE could do that from time to time, even if she probably doesn’t need the dose of perspective as badly as I do. In Woody Allen’s film classic “Manhattan,” he makes a list of some of the little things that to him make life worth living. For his character, Isaac Davis, it was Cezanne’s apples and pears, Louis B. Armstrong’s Potato Head Blues and his ex-girlfriend’s face. For me, there’s lots of things, movie popcorn, Red Sox games at Fenway, The Wire and West Wing, Doonesbury, and the music of Michael Penn to name just a few. But what about the wife and kids? Well, since you asked…

Jasmine wrapping her arms around me when I get her at night (she’s crying, I pick her up, and she just melts onto my shoulder. Honestly, it’s pretty sensational)

Ariel singing Lady Gaga’s “Telephone” (she gets every word wrong but thinks she knows all the words. It’s fabulous)

Jasmine’s smile when I walk into the room (doesn’t matter what’s going on, the kid just lights up when she sees me. Makes me feel like a million bucks)

Trademark Ariel moments - like the other day, she walked into my office in wearing a Princess Tiana dress with her wand, to show me how beautiful she looked. Then she came back 2 minutes later with a mirror in her hand and said “Now you just have GOT to see me.” (True, Ariel. Very true.)

Jasmine laughing when tickled (just like her older sister when she was a baby, she has the best laugh ever)

Belle’s face when one of the kids does something good, or new, or unexpected (the look of pure joy)

Now if I can just remember these things whenever Ariel screams at me for no reason, or Jasmine pretends she’s going to kiss me and instead bites half my face off, then I’ll be fine. :)

August 10, 2011

Last night during her bath Ariel debuted her latest creative masterpiece. She wrote a song, which goes something like this... Vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, VAGINA!!!! That verse then gets repeated. Often. And the bridge is eerily similar. As is the chorus. It’s quite a song really. I see Katy Perry doing a cover version some day.

Ariel told me the other day that I’m an AMAZING colorer (she’s so right too). This obviously begs the question – if I decide to switch jobs, how prominently do I feature that on my resume? Between work experience and education, right?

Ariel does a great job of really straddling the line with some of her behavior between cute/funny and disturbing (I’m sure this is true of many 4 year olds). Let’s see which side she’s leaning towards lately, shall we?

First, she said she had to go to the bathroom but then her vagina (clearly among her favorite words these days) and tushy changed their minds. I vote CUTE/FUNNY

Next, she started shaking her butt at me and telling me over and over again to “touch my booty!” Tougher call, but I’ll still go with CUTE/FUNNY

Finally, she started walking around her room with her doll’s head stuck firmly between her legs. Yeah, that one was a wee bit DISTURBING.

So, 2-1 for CUTE/FUNNY. Not bad, really…

August 3, 2011

Ariel called me a light switch the other day. It was clearly meant as a put-down, though it was one of those, “I’m-a-4-year-old-so-anything-I-say-no-matter-how-silly-and-meaningless-is-INDESCRIBABLY-funny-right-now” kind of put-downs. In the past I’ve been a kookie head, a lollipop, AND, apparently, at times, I wear (or perhaps AM, as it wasn’t entirely clear) banana pants. I mention this because I want this out there – if in 2015 the cool way to “dis” somebody is by calling them a light switch, we all know who started the trend.

The other day Ariel decided she HAD to call her best friend (the daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Fabulous). This was her first ever real phone conversation with a friend, and if it was any indication, I don’t see any limited-minutes phone plans in her future. They talked for at least 45 minutes (while Ariel multi-tasked with my iPad) and probably would have kept going longer if we hadn’t interrupted. I have no idea what was being discussed, but I’m fairly certain it wasn’t the ongoing debate over the debt ceiling. At one point her grandmother dropped by for a visit. She walked over to Ariel to say hi, and was quickly dismissed from the living room as an unnecessary interruption. Of course Mr. Fabulous and I were thrilled about this whole development, since those were 45 beautiful, self-sufficient minutes during which we weren’t being asked to color or play princess or anything, but it IS a little scary to think of the damage this girl is going to do with a cell phone one day. I mean, she’s 4 years old for God’s sake.

July 28, 2011

Jasmine is a kick-ass baby. She just is. She never stops smiling, especially when either Mommy or I enter the room. She never cries for no reason, and even when there IS a good reason to cry, once we do whatever she wants us to do (take me out of this crib, give me something for this annoying teething, please make Ariel get off of my head), she stops crying and smiles again. As long as no permanent harm was done, no problem. That’s how she rolls. And we love that, obviously. She’s even starting to do better with sleeping through the night. Without a doubt, after 10 months, I’m giving the kid a solid A.

That said, she took it to a whole other level the other day. Some teenager rang the doorbell and when I stupidly opened the door, she started in with a whole annoying pitch on the environment and why I should donate money to her cause and make the world safe for the whooping crane or some such thing. I don’t have a problem with environmental causes (although I’ve never fully trusted the whooping crane), but I do have a problem with people ringing my doorbell and bothering me. So I’m standing there in the doorway, holding Jasmine, listening to the pitch, just waiting for the inevitable pause that will allow me to jump in with “Hey, that’s awesome, but how about you go away now and I never see you again,” when Jasmine decides she’s heard enough. She reaches out for the door, and with one little 10-month old hand, pushes the door closed. I let it swing shut as I watched Green Girl say “but I’m not finished…” and then yep, she WAS finished. Just fantastic work on the part of Jasmine. Someday when she’s older I’m totally going to buy her something for what seems like no reason at all, and it will be a thank-you for this performance, definitely the smile of the week.

July 21, 2011

So a few months back the family was strolling though the mall (I’ll be honest, there aren’t many instances where I feel comfortable claiming to “stroll,” but the mall and the 3rd Street Promenade in Santa Monica are two that definitely qualify) and a local photo studio was having a promotion – you could get a session valued at $500.00 (valued by WHO is a legitimate question) for a mere 50 bucks, and they would throw in one 8X10 shot for free. We would find out later that this 8X10 picture was valued at $250.00, and yes, those of you familiar with story structure, this rather scary revelation is a harbinger of things to come. So stay tuned and pay attention.

This past Sunday was photo shoot day. We prepared for our hour of modeling with gusto, making sure the kids were bathed (as were we), lots of outfits were brought, and we even brought props for fun (Ariel’s bicycle, some red sox hats, etc.). These kinds of activities are always fairly stressful for me, between wondering whether Ariel will feel like cooperating that day and dealing with logistics, but she looks beautiful in a well-taken photo, and Jasmine’s a cutie too, and frankly, at the moment, our walls are way too bare, so I was optimistic. I figured it would generally be fine, occasionally be painful, and result in some beautiful shots of the kids and hopefully the entire family.

So how’d it go? Well, the shoot itself wasn’t exactly hassle free, but it wasn’t too bad either. Jasmine is always so easy, but she was teething and uncomfortable, so getting her to smile and stay still was challenging. Ariel was Ariel, she was awesome, difficult, cute, funny, and infuriating all at once. Say what you want, but my daughter is nothing if not versatile. We knew going in that the highlight for her would be the pictures of her while blowing bubbles (bubbles are BIG with her), and unfortunately that didn’t come until the end. So, we were treated to being asked approximately 465 times during the hour whether it was time for bubbles. So that was fun. She also has been into making strange faces lately, which isn’t a big deal at the dinner table but makes taking the perfect family picture fairly difficult. But she didn’t have any major meltdowns, and the photographer was pretty good with her, so overall, you can’t really complain.

My favorite moment came during an outfit change for Ariel, when she was changing into a red dress, and pointed at the photographer and yelled, “You can’t WAIT to see how beautiful I’m going to look!” You tell him, Ariel. You just freakin’ tell him!

But now we have to circle back to our harbinger from before. You forgot about that, didn’t you? Sure, whatever. Anyway, we finish up and they tell us to schedule an appointment in a week or two to meet with a designer to go through the images and pick out what we want. The walls of the studio are of course adorned by some of their best shots, and their framing is creative and stylish. They gave us a pamphlet showing our options. Which was great, since we were then able to start debating whether to buy a moderately sized picture of the family, or go another way and take that money and take the entire family to Hawaii for like a month. Seriously, the prices were utterly insane. $6,000.00 may be what some people pay for art, and apparently they consider their pictures “wall art,” and that’s just super, but no, that ain’t happening folks.

The bright side is we can get all the digital images separately. For $1,500.00. And we can’t DO anything with them, except look at them on the computer. So, not like a VERY bright side, no.